Viewers

Hello my awesome viewers you guys know I love you!!! anyway I want to say I am so sorry if my blogs been a bit depressing I promise to more funny and entertaining get me any topic and I'll talk about it

Insulted

I wonder why my dad feels the need to insult me every minute of the day why does he always have to call me stupid or lazy or fat ass why does he feel the need to insult me all the time? I will tell you why because my dad is an asshole a selfish mean son of a bitch words can not describe how much I hate him so much how much he makes me cry and feel like shit.

I don't understand fathers are suppose to loving to their daughter always trying to make them smile when my father rather throw insults at me it does make me cry because my dad and I use to be so close when I was little I used to be daddy's girl I loved my dad more than anyone but as soon as I got other he became so mean and heartless always insulting me now...I can hear him in the room complaining how I'm a big fat liar and of course my mom agrees with him.

Why shouldn't I be surprise both of them talking shit about me I should be used of them talking shit about me but the truth is I may look like I don't care but deep down I do very much every insult I get is a cut in my heart and let me tell you right now my heart is already broken and barely recovering but then I get an insult from my lovely mother and father and the wounds are back.

I fall into depression because I feel so alone with both parents hating my guts both of them looking at me in disgust and looking down on me like I will never be anything in life, want to know something so funny my own parents think I'm a slut funny right? I'm still a virgin here and only kissed two guys and that makes me a slut a girl who never gets to leave the house is a slut yes that makes a lot of sense.

I just hate my life :(

Feeling of Meaning

            I can’t help but feel remorse towards the one I used to call “my love” yet I was plague but this disease of love and wanted nothing to more to take my share of love, yet I was wrong by taking my fair share of love because it was not mine to take.  It was suppose to be a token of the one who loves you for you but not to steal it away from someone else, it may be consider as a sin for stealing something so precise and beautiful but yet something that can kill you in the end if you do not treat it right or respect it.Nonetheless the words “Love is a blessing to some but yet can be a curse at the same time” thus people ignore the clear warning given out a silent message yet no one ever hears this warning, a warning everyone should take serious yet always forget, in the end they always regret never listening to the warning and thought to themselves if they did, would the outcome be different?  The outcome could be different all depending in what I would do different but then people might not change their past mistakes.Some people think its okay to make mistakes to learn from their mistakes, but do people really do that? Do they really learn from their mistakes and not go back to the people they once love? No it can’t be, people make mistakes all the time including going back to the people that make them happy. Would someone consider this a sin? Is it a sin to be happy to go to back to the people who put a smile on your face and broke your heart, is it sin to try to love that person? How can it be?Obviously that person made you happy right? It’s only natural to still feel love for them, to hate them but at the same time still love those in the back of your heart never forget. But you will forget but the thought will always be in your heart reminding you of your past but what can you do about it? Not much, honestly not much…Love is a beautiful blessing that can rock your world and send you into a land where there are no worries but it can be a curse bring so much pain and misery, but in the end it’s up to you to make it a blessing or a curse. 

Last Night

Ah last night what a night I must say I know that the cousins are fighting among there self and they're separate groups so I also known from last party everyone wasn't talking to Payal and blah blah so I didn't talk to her for my own personal reasons like I like my cousins but she gets under my skin sometimes like how she acts I'm some kid it pisses me off so it wasn't a big deal not saying hi to her anyway Nene and her starred to talk and she explaining herself and then turns to me and says "I don't even know why you were mad at me since you had nothing against me" and I'm like oh hell no don't turn this on me and honestly I don't care if Payal likes me or not its not like I live with her or see her everyday so fuck it she can be mad all she wants at me :)

So to get back on a positive note I text Jason last night cause I was bored at the party so it started out normal and everything just some light teasing but towards the end I don't know how it started but I said guys don't like big chest girls like me and he reply he does but I was like you don't like me that way and I want someone who likes me then he's like I've been always attracted to you blah blah I refuse to let my heart melt at that anyway the conversation came to a weird Holt because Jason then ask if I wanted to no string attached relationship cause now he's single I didn't give him an answer because I don't know the answer for myself.

I'm just so god damn irritated with family and Jason like fuck can anything be drama free but fuck me side that doesn't really work out.