Special is not going well

So tomorrow May 27th is my birthday I will be turning 18 and I was excited because well Monday my birthday Tuesday I go to grad nite to six flags Thursday I graduate you would think I would be the most happiest person in the world because this week will be about me, but is it?

Already my dad is making plans for my birthday yeah that's cool and all but he's wants to do whatever he wants to do not I and of course my dad is gonna make it about him instead of my day and then we have my mom who is being excuse my language a bitch.

See the thing is that my parents want to go over these people house for memorial day which is my birthday instead of caring its my birthday tomorrow all they can think about is that its memorial day and want to spend the day at these people house

I get it they're fun and all but its my birthday I want to do what I want to do hell I don't think they're even getting me anything for my birthday cause I wanted a new outfit for six flags but I don't think that's gonna happen.

And already they're pissing me off always being rude and making fun of me today really irritates me and makes me not even celebrate my birthday of graduation its like I just want to be alone that day now all because of my mom and dad who can't think for anyone else but themselves and Freddy and Sabrina my sibling.

Ah for a early update I ask for a ipod for my birthday because then I don't need a new phone and they won't be charge for texting me or calling so that was the best thing right? nope not to my parents they think its a waste of money so to get them off my ass I said no I don't want it.

Now a surge of guilt goes through my veins as my mother keeps reminding my dad all the reason why I shouldn't get this they already spend money on for going to six flags so now I don't anything for my birthday/graduation I just want to go to grad nite and graduate nothing else anymore.  

Super Irritated With My Mom

One thing I hate more than strawberries is how my mom acts with other people or do for other people today I found out I am on the right track of graduating so I wanted McDonald's don't ask me why I juts really wanted some so I ask my mom and she's like no....okay I accepted that maybe we can get something else and we did.

See when I ask what I want to eat my mo will say no to me no matter what she will always say no to me instead she will get whatever my older brother wants which was In-N-Out I fucking hate that place I don't like hamburgers there gross to me and my om knows that but did that stop her from buying the crap Nope!

Now I have to wait for my dad to come home and eat whatever he's having which is probably Taco Bell JUST GREAT CAUSE EATING ISN'T IMPORTANT!!!!!!

My mom hates me and I know she has never liked me cause I am nothing like my older brother Freddy or like my little sister Sabrina.

CAHSEE still kills dreams

For those who don't know what "CAHSEE" is its California High School Exit Exame and is what all High school student must take to pass and able to walk during graducation to some its important to others they don't care if they walk or not but too me it means the world to me. I have taken the CAHSEE when I was in 10th grade everyone in 10th grade takes the test I didn't pass the first time nor the second or the thrid or fourth, fifth but on the last one I passed with a 353 finally I have pass the test that had me crying for years.

See the thing is I thought I was going to pass but I would still walk because I have "SLD" which is a learning disability and I have a IEP which are meeting I have with people and them seeing if I',imapproving or not I have very much so even if I didn't pass my CAHSEE I would still walk but that doesn't apply to evryone unfortunately...

My new best friend Daniel is probably the funniest most caring amazing friend in the world he's gay and the best guy friend I could have ask for you get the best of both worlds so he hasn't passs his CAHSEE like me at the time and I felt like I knew he was going to pass he study he has the class he was improving so I felt he was going to passs while I didn't then today happen.

May 10, 2013 Its Daniel's birthday he turn 18 and I was so happy for him I had order his gift so it wasn't going to come in until Monday so I waited for him to come and he did but was sad I scream "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!" and he just noddded and I was puzzle so I pulled him away and we talk in the library where he told me his news, I was waiting about his mom talking shit about him again but he didn't say that he say something else.....

He told me he didn't pass his CAHSEE that he got a 349 one point away from passing.....his tears came out and I stood shocked that I didn't even know what to say I felt so horrible and wish he had gotten the better grade it was his birthday and yet this happen to him when he doesn't deserve this when he worked so hard!

CAHSEE is a waste of time and dream killers how could the school kill someone dreams like that! How could they say no to someone who has been working there ass off to get somewhere yet here where we are 2013 schools are still killing students dreams ripping away from their hope and yet they feel no emotions for these kids? do they not have a heart?

Damn them for killing my good friend dreams how dare them kill his hope....I feel remorse for him and sorrow and so helpless :(        

 

I wish I never knew my dad

As harsh as that sounds I really wish I didn't know my dad I'm mean who would want too? I'll tell you my reasons in why I don't like the man and why I wish my parents would get a divorce but nope my mom won't file for one when she doesn't like him much either, for one what kind of father calls his own daughter a b****? or yell at them claiming how stupid they are and worthless how would anyone feel to have a father bring them down all the time and makes you want to cry.

My dad is a heartless man he's cruel and rude and ass hole I hate him I hate seeing his face I hate looking at him or hearing him I hate bring near him I hate everything about him I hate everything about him yet I have some traits from him unfortunately and I hate  myself for it everyday to act like that selfish monster I hate him. He always so mean and the look he gives me when he's mad at me its like he was to kill me.

Like sometimes I want to go out I don't care if I have to go with my parents I just want out my house but every time I ask he says no and or gives me a look and if looks can kill I would be dead a long as time ago. like one time I was in my mom's room with her watching TV while I was on the laptop doing a power point and he comes in and gives me the most evilest look in the world and says "Get out my room I don't want to see your fucking face" usually I wouldn't care but having that man say that to me pissed me off.

I so badly wanted to say the feeling is mutual daddy but I keep my tongue in and just said wow and walked out and then today in the morning he yells me at me because the dog used her pad to pee on and he has a heart attack and screams at me that I'm a lazy no good worthless and stupid always those words stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!!!!!! that's all I heard from my dad how stupid I am.

And people wonder why I'm such a bitter girl oh he also said I'll get my punishment tonight lets see what he's gonna do to me.

Only sometimes tells you over and over and over again how stupid you are....you start thinking maybe you are stupid after all. I wish that man would disappear already so I never see his face again.

Just Looking At You Irritates Me

Usual I'm fine without looking at Jason but I don't know why but looking at him makes me so damn mad and annoyed like oh I want to do is sock him in the face so maybe one day I will sock you in the face because looking at you is really pissing me off aha I know I sound crazy and weird but come on this is the guy that broke my heart more than one time so I think I have the right to want to sock him in the face.

On a another note I'm about to blow up on this guy name James who is friends with Jason weird huh how every guy I meet his name starts with a "J" so f***ing weird anyway I use to like James but then a rumor came saying he has herpes which scared the shit out of me when I talk to him about he's like there is something in my mouth but his mom doesn't want to take him in to see what wrong with him.

Making me not like him anymore and not talk to him anymore I encourage him to date this one girl and it work so times moves on and he breaks up with her and from time to time he'll say hi but that's it I prefer it like that but lately shit has changed -_- so he texts me and says he want to end his life he has no friends blah blah blah blah so of course being a good person that I am I talk him out of it and said you can to me anytime you need....BIGGEST MISTAKE!! so now he blows up my phone with annoying texts like "Text me" "Hey text me back when you get this" "Text me" "Hi" "Hello" "Hi" "Hi" its so f***ing annoying!! like damn I am not your personal therapist.

Like when I'm on Facebook he will message me text me text me text me and I ignore and get off Facebook I am so thinking about blocking him because now he making VERY uncomfortable, for explain he will pop out of nowhere and say hi he will come up to me and say "Hi Gorgeous" and I make a face that's telling him DO NOT CALL ME GORGEOUS YOU RAPIST!!! but obviously he doesn't get the message because he still does it and yesterday really pissed me off and made me want to hit until he couldn't walk anymore.

So yesterday I was not feeling it I was pissed off tired and having a huge head ache and I was not getting any sleep in my classes and my friends were pissing me off just listening them talk was pissing me off usually that's not me but it was Monday and I was tired and mad I didn't get any sleep so I stood quiet I don't want to hurt their feeling so by the time I get to 4th period and the lunch bell rang I even MORE tired and pissed off so I'm wanting their for my friend Daniel to come waiting with his cousin Crystal and the unthinkable happens.

James come from behind me and hugs me I stiffen up and didn't try to hug back then he move his arms to rest on my breasts which only pissed me off more I told him his arms are resting on my chest and needs to get them off now! but he laughs and and moves them but his hands were moving to touch them my breasts! so I turn quickly and pushed him away and if looks could kill James would be very dead. He walk away laughing which was fuel to my fire and  then he insults the sexy security guard at Target and I told he's ugly.

The meaning of this blog James is pissing me off if he does anything to me today I will f***ing kick his ass and won't stop until he say he'll stop I will not tolerate his dumb ass while he's making me uncomfortable at least my good friend Adrian offer to help I might take me up on his offer.