Am I actually the mean girl?

One thing that is bugging is the things I have done lately I don't think but I feel guilt and its weird super weird considering I am a person without caring about much but since I am no longer friends with Adrianna it had me thinking was I the wrong one? I did talk shit about my best friend behind her back I was the one who open my mouth yet I don't care but in the back of my mind I am still caring...I mean when I look back I have lost a lot of girl friends over stupid stuff like my first best friend Nuviaa I stop being her friend because I was sick of tired of every guy looking at her and not me and I push her away now with Jamie I was mad she went after Alan when she dated his friend then talk shit about her.

Then I talk crap about Adrianna, does that make me a monster? a monster who cannot have friends because of her own selfish needs? am I actually jealous of Adrianna? in the end only I know the answer is and the answer is...I Am A Monster. Now I think about it I was being selfish and cruel because I envy another and not try to make friendship work in the end I can't fix my friendship with Adrianna what's done is done.

But still in the back of my mind I feel this guilt this big ass guilt for pushing away my friends and not caring about them in the end but I have think they weren't the best either they didn't even try to talk to me but ignore me so I ignore them and refuse to make it work Yes my pride has yet again made me lose another friend yet I still think this one little sentence.

I am a monster.