Just so damn tired now

There are things in my life that make me so mad like my family are seriously the most evil annoying assholes who get pleasure in making my life miserable like right now I try telling my mom what happen last night on twitter where some asshole was making fun on my friend so I defend him and it was great but I try to tell my mom but my little sister kept talking over me and soon I just didn't want to say because I was already mad about something else which I'll tell you after this, so my mom is like whatever I don't care then she mocked me saying "Watch now she's going to type about how much a bitch I am" which yes I am doing now so yeah you are a fucking bitch you only care what your son or other daughter is fucking doing!

So I was mad in the beginning because my dad is a fucking dickhead I let my dog out to use the bathroom I told him and he's like all pissed off I seriously don't understand what the difference between the backyard and the across the street so apparently my fucking father is a fucking a dog whisper so he just pissed me off and doesn't help that my little sister is a fucking little spoil shit face smartass dipshit girl. Honestly I hate my family I hate how they act I hate how they judge me so quickly I hate them in general.

I hate how they make me cry all the times from their means word and judging me acting if they are god to judge me so yeah I have a lot of angry towards them I hate they don't include me and not even trying to involve me which is fine don't talk to me I am fine by myself without any of them I don't want their fucking love and support I don't need them I only have myself to trust.

Viewers

Hello my awesome viewers you guys know I love you!!! anyway I want to say I am so sorry if my blogs been a bit depressing I promise to more funny and entertaining get me any topic and I'll talk about it

Insulted

I wonder why my dad feels the need to insult me every minute of the day why does he always have to call me stupid or lazy or fat ass why does he feel the need to insult me all the time? I will tell you why because my dad is an asshole a selfish mean son of a bitch words can not describe how much I hate him so much how much he makes me cry and feel like shit.

I don't understand fathers are suppose to loving to their daughter always trying to make them smile when my father rather throw insults at me it does make me cry because my dad and I use to be so close when I was little I used to be daddy's girl I loved my dad more than anyone but as soon as I got other he became so mean and heartless always insulting me now...I can hear him in the room complaining how I'm a big fat liar and of course my mom agrees with him.

Why shouldn't I be surprise both of them talking shit about me I should be used of them talking shit about me but the truth is I may look like I don't care but deep down I do very much every insult I get is a cut in my heart and let me tell you right now my heart is already broken and barely recovering but then I get an insult from my lovely mother and father and the wounds are back.

I fall into depression because I feel so alone with both parents hating my guts both of them looking at me in disgust and looking down on me like I will never be anything in life, want to know something so funny my own parents think I'm a slut funny right? I'm still a virgin here and only kissed two guys and that makes me a slut a girl who never gets to leave the house is a slut yes that makes a lot of sense.

I just hate my life :(

Feeling of Meaning

            I can’t help but feel remorse towards the one I used to call “my love” yet I was plague but this disease of love and wanted nothing to more to take my share of love, yet I was wrong by taking my fair share of love because it was not mine to take.  It was suppose to be a token of the one who loves you for you but not to steal it away from someone else, it may be consider as a sin for stealing something so precise and beautiful but yet something that can kill you in the end if you do not treat it right or respect it.Nonetheless the words “Love is a blessing to some but yet can be a curse at the same time” thus people ignore the clear warning given out a silent message yet no one ever hears this warning, a warning everyone should take serious yet always forget, in the end they always regret never listening to the warning and thought to themselves if they did, would the outcome be different?  The outcome could be different all depending in what I would do different but then people might not change their past mistakes.Some people think its okay to make mistakes to learn from their mistakes, but do people really do that? Do they really learn from their mistakes and not go back to the people they once love? No it can’t be, people make mistakes all the time including going back to the people that make them happy. Would someone consider this a sin? Is it a sin to be happy to go to back to the people who put a smile on your face and broke your heart, is it sin to try to love that person? How can it be?Obviously that person made you happy right? It’s only natural to still feel love for them, to hate them but at the same time still love those in the back of your heart never forget. But you will forget but the thought will always be in your heart reminding you of your past but what can you do about it? Not much, honestly not much…Love is a beautiful blessing that can rock your world and send you into a land where there are no worries but it can be a curse bring so much pain and misery, but in the end it’s up to you to make it a blessing or a curse. 

Last Night

Ah last night what a night I must say I know that the cousins are fighting among there self and they're separate groups so I also known from last party everyone wasn't talking to Payal and blah blah so I didn't talk to her for my own personal reasons like I like my cousins but she gets under my skin sometimes like how she acts I'm some kid it pisses me off so it wasn't a big deal not saying hi to her anyway Nene and her starred to talk and she explaining herself and then turns to me and says "I don't even know why you were mad at me since you had nothing against me" and I'm like oh hell no don't turn this on me and honestly I don't care if Payal likes me or not its not like I live with her or see her everyday so fuck it she can be mad all she wants at me :)

So to get back on a positive note I text Jason last night cause I was bored at the party so it started out normal and everything just some light teasing but towards the end I don't know how it started but I said guys don't like big chest girls like me and he reply he does but I was like you don't like me that way and I want someone who likes me then he's like I've been always attracted to you blah blah I refuse to let my heart melt at that anyway the conversation came to a weird Holt because Jason then ask if I wanted to no string attached relationship cause now he's single I didn't give him an answer because I don't know the answer for myself.

I'm just so god damn irritated with family and Jason like fuck can anything be drama free but fuck me side that doesn't really work out.

The past should stay the past

Okay obviously something is wrong with me I just know it I'm having the same thoughts over and over again I am plague by these thoughts and damn it I don't want it anymore I know denying it only makes it worse but what other way is there? For those who are confuse I'm talking about my past sweetheart Jason and how I can't seem to get the man out of my mind clearly there is something mentally wrong with me I just know it.

Yesterday I was getting pissed of because people kept asking questions on my http://ask.fm/LeapingTreeFrog (which you guys can see it and ask me anything you want) saying I have nice lips can I have a kiss blah blah blah and I tweet about it on my twitter and Jason texts me saying I have a new boyfriend teasing and such but then he like and I quote "Calm down sweetheart and let me kiss them sweet lips of your ;) aha" HOW THE FUCK DO I NOT MELT AT THAT!!!!!!! 

I know I should fall for some crap like that for a guy but me and this guy have a long history together its not something easy to forget and I know my friends are feed up listening to me bitch about the same situation but I can't fucking help its the way I feel and only because he was my first kiss I have a connection with him -__- fuck me right.

I don't know what to do anymore he has a girlfriend yet he flirts with me and tells me he wants me I just think Jason doesn't know how to be with me cause deep down I feel like he truely does like me or in love with me? no but at least likes me he just doesn't know how to show it to me or he doesn't want to show me.

Either way it would seem I am fucked.

Lonely

I guess it happen to everyone once in awhile the fact of being alone it hurts I guess what I feel is longing to feel affection from the one I desire the most from I can't help but feel lonely without him even thought I know very well he is with someone else, I know he is living his life and I live mine but I still members of us together are scar in my mind maybe I am craving his attention maybe I'm craving someone affection.

To feel loved to know that person is thinking of you all the time wanting to feel his arms wrapped around you how I desired to be loved for once in my life to feel the true meaning of love but how can I feel love if I am always trapped in a house and never to see the world and find true love.